A View on Breastfeeding In Public - Celebrating AANHPI Breastfeeding Week 2024

Originally posted on LLL USA New Beginnings on August 20th, 2024 https://lllusa.org/celebrate-aanhpi-breastfeeding-week-breastfeeding-in-public/ and on LLL Today llli.org/news/lll-today-8-a-view-towards-breastfeeding-in-public/in English, Chinese, Japanese, Dutch, French and Spanish.
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About seven years ago, during my four-year-old’s Christmas performance, I retreated to the lounge to feed my hungry newborn. I fumbled under my big winter jacket to hide my nursing baby. Both of us were uncomfortable and sweaty. I was also worried about missing my older daughter’s performance, and I was very exhausted. Just then, an older lady walked by, noticing me in the corner with my baby. I thought I was so discreet. What she said to me when she noticed us had nothing to do with how I nursed my baby in such a busy public place. She said what I needed to hear at that moment: “Enjoy and cherish these moments, because babies grow up so quickly.” That has since reshaped my perspectives on parenting. I went back to focusing on nursing my baby, still under the big winter jacket as a cover. But my tired spirit was lifted in an instant, as I held him more closely and tightly.

Breastfeeding in public and in front of family members are two different situations; yet breastfeeding in front of anyone can be challenging. I exclusively pumped for my first baby; so, even though it was my second time, I never knew how to nurse a baby when others were around. At home, when there were guests, I would nurse my baby in my bedroom with the door locked. Outside the home, I found “safety” in the back seat of our car, where the windows were tinted.

When he was very young, it was challenging to find my own comfort and position the crying baby properly, let alone nurse in public. I remember not going too far from the house and timing my outings to make sure I would be back in time to feed him at home.

As he grew older, we gradually ventured farther from the house and the car. We went to his sister’s Christmas performance, birthday parties, classes, sports events, and even Disneyland. I learned to nurse him under my jacket, a sweater, or a nursing cover. Navigating breastfeeding under a cover required a lot of practice, both logistically and mentally.

With a lot of practice nursing my baby, who then became a toddler, I became more comfortable and confident using the nursing cover. I never went anywhere without one in the diaper bag. I also carefully chose my clothing: layers, buttons, zippers, or low necklines, but never a dress or tight neckline.

I was always on the lookout for a nursing room wherever we went; it was our special retreat to peace and quiet. One of my favorite places at that time, and even now, was Disneyland’s Baby Care Center. It was the perfect spot to slow down, rest, and quietly nurse my little baby, amidst the hustle and bustle of the amusement park.

At that stage of my life, I never thought about normalizing breastfeeding or advocating for breastfeeding in public. It took me many years to start finding my place in the realm of breastfeeding in public spaces. Modesty is a central value in East Asian cultures, often aimed at not offending others, gaining social approval, and avoiding undue attention. It is perceived as a personal and moral virtue.

Modesty standards, which can include clothing, vary across East Asian cultures and can involve covering parts of the body such as skin, hair, undergarments, and intimate areas. Because this value was deeply embedded in the very fabric of our being as East Asian, breastfeeding in public could be an endeavor at every feeding outside of our home or even in our own home when guests were present.

Navigating feedings in general, however, did become easier over time. It was not because we grew accustomed to breastfeeding in public, but because we learned to adapt to the feeding schedules. Effectively breastfeeding during our outings involved planning the timing of feedings and choosing the right clothes. Planning became simpler as the baby grew and feedings became more spaced out, and he understood when we discussed waiting to feed until we reached the car or home.

Long after our last breastfeeding, even though I myself never became entirely comfortable breastfeeding in public, when I see an Asian parent and child breastfeeding in a public place, it brings up feelings for me. I often feel a sense of nostalgia. While making sure to give them the space they need, I also try to offer a subtle acknowledgement of what a wonderful, admirable, and brave act she is doing.

Nursing parents may be contemplating how to make breastfeeding in public logistically possible and ways we may take a part in normalizing breastfeeding and reclaiming our breastfeeding culture. But in the baby’s world, this very same moment is simply filled with the sweetness, warmth, and satisfaction of his mother’s milk flowing into him, the closeness and gentleness of her embrace, the rhythm of her heartbeat, and her ever presence right when and where he needs her.

I would like to view breastfeeding in public as just one aspect of raising a child. Despite the challenges inherent in all aspects of parenting across all ages and societies, it is possible to embrace one’s cultural values while navigating these moments. Whether we are in private or public, our young baby always needs us so intensely, whether for food or for comfort. In these moments, we suddenly lose sight of societal attitudes toward breastfeeding in public as we start to tune in with our baby to understand his language, his expression, and to cherish this fleeting, precious time of our life together before it passes so swiftly by.

In honor of the Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander (AANHPI) Breastfeeding Week and the 2024 theme “Bridging the Gaps for AANHPI Families”, alongside the National Breastfeeding Month theme “Nourish, Sustain, Thrive”, I want to celebrate all breastfeeding parents, whether in private or public settings. Though it may not be in our everyday intention to advocate or influence policy changes, every act of breastfeeding, especially in public spaces, contributes toward creating a more supportive environment for new parents. These actions help bridge the gap in breastfeeding support and opportunities, making the world a friendlier and welcoming place for new families.